This project has been swirling round in my mind for several years now and in these strange times, it feels the perfect time to share it.
In simple terms, S.E.L.F is about taking responsibility for the things that happen to you. I was getting fed up with feeling out of control, letting others dictate my life when I realised I could take back control simply through my reactions!
I think I have been preaching S.E.L.F since my children were tiny. I remember My son coming to me and saying “My sister called me a pig!” I replied “Are you a pig” of course he replies a firm “No,!!!!!” Lol. To which I reply “If you know you’re not a pig, then it doesn’t really matter that she called you one” I’m sure we’ve all been there…..
I found an easy way to work out how to respond to an issue was by using the four headings Self Awareness, Examine, Let It Go, Fulfillment.
SELF AWARENESS This first step is probably the hardest. Considering what has offended or upset you and working out your part in it. Have you overthought it, did you do something that encouraged the abuse? Am I paranoid, is what was done relevant and true? Did I ask for it?
EXAMINE my first thought always will be is it true? Depending on the accusation, you need to decide if it’s worth defending yourself or if it’s so laughable you just make light of it. Next, did I bring it on myself…. This is tough. Say, for example, someone cheated on you… did I push them away, have I been absent,. There is no excuse for infidelity at any time but analysing your part in it can help prevent this in future, at least to recognise the signs. Has my reaction made a mountain out of a molehill… you get the gist. Basically, taking responsibilty for what happens to you. My biggest light bulb moment ever was realising I allowed people to treat me badly, and gave them the ammunition to do so. Harsh but true.
LET IT GO There really is no point in analysing, examining and accepting if you continue to bear a grudge or dwell on any negative matters. If you decide to ignore it, do so. If you decide to defend yourself, take that approach. If you can’t resolve it, move TF on… but don’t sit with stuff, blaming others and missing out on a productive life. I’m hoping this is empowering you and making sense.
Finally, FULFILLMENT. I hope you find out how much better you feel when you stop letting the words and actions of others control your life. You might even learn something about your self, your triggers, how you speak to yourself, what you tend to take personally however it is meant. As I’m approaching 50 years old I’ve learnt that I’m not perfect and I often bring things on myself by my reactions… and though we can’t teach this old dog new tricks, I own all of the above 😉
This project is a work in progress and I’d really love to hear your thoughts and answer your questions. Send me some tricky scenarios and challenge me to apply the S.E.L.F approach to them.
Hope you have a great week. Toodles. Sarah xx
Simply Adore Yourself Darling 